Accomplishments

Really I have never had anything I would consider an accomplishment. Sure I accomplish a lot on a daily basis. Laundry, cleaning, playing, errands, and the every day sort of things that just need to be done.

Even through out my school career I just pretty much accomplished the minimum and didn't set any challenges for myself to over come. Sure I was always on the honors list or graduated Suma Cum Laud but I didn't really try for it. So the honor of being considered in the top was never something I considered a true accomplishment.

Even my pretty awesome two year old is not my accomplishment. Sure I feed her, teach her and love her but the total awesomeness that she is is because of herself. I just foster what is there so she can take it and become the best she can be. And the whole accomplishment of birth...yeah that too I would not consider an accomplishment for me. I accomplished it. The whole 56 hour marathon of labor un-medicated, although I will say is sort of impressive, is also something that would have happened no matter what and I didn't really do much since my body did it all on its own.

However, today I can say I have an accomplishment. Something I never thought I would be able to do. Something that I am so so so proud of. Something that I set my goal and pushed myself further than I ever thought I could go. Something that when asked what my accomplishments in life are I would not hesitate to say.

Saturday morning I got up early, nervous as hell yet so happy the weather was gray, cloudy and chilly! Saturday was the morning of my first 10k. Back in January I set a goal of RUNNING 8 5ks this year. I started thinking about it and if I was going to do that then why not sign up for the Seacoast Road Race Series and earn my FREE runner's jacket. The only thing different about being in the series is that 2 of my races have to be more than a 5k... Could I do it? Sure I told myself I could so do that And I started training. I signed up for a couple non series 5ks to prepare and then went and signed up for all the series races including the two 10ks. Then I went and got pregnant. I modified my goal a little instead of running them all I want to just finish them. (Two of my races are at the end of October, say hello to the 8 month preggo waddling along if you happen to see me!)

So back to this Saturday, I talked to Derrick and since I had never ever ever run more than the 3.1 miles of a 5k (and even my last go at that ended in failure when I ended up having to walk some so I didn't cook the baby in the 95 degree heat) we decided my best option was to run a mile walk a mile and just get it done. Well on the drive over (he decided to run it with me to make sure I was good and didn't over do it for baby's sake. I tend to get a little bit competitive....) he said you know the weather is cool I bet you can do 4 miles and we can walk the last 2. OK I said well you're right let's see if I can just do a little more than a 5k and I will be proud of myself. Well mile 4 rolled around and as I passed the marker I teared up. Never have I ever run this far!!! I surpassed anything I ever thought I could do and the best part was right then and there I KNEW that I would be running when I crossed the finish line just a little over 6 miles in. My goal of the day was to finish in 2 hours or less. Then I changed it to finish in an hour and forty-five. But NEVER did I expect I would cross that line an hour and seventeen minutes after the gun went off having RUN the ENTIRE thing! I can now say one of my biggest accomplishments is that I am now a runner. I did it, I forced running to like me and become my friend and really I can do anything!

Live Laugh RUN!!!!!!!!!!

SERIOUSLY!?

So 10 years, a decade, can seem like an eternity to a 10 year old or even a 15 year old but really for me (my 25 year old self....) it feels like just yesterday. I woke up this morning (without having to run to the bathroom to throw up!!!) and as I was pouring my milk into my cereal it dawned on me. TEN years ago today I put on a white cap and gown, decorated with my yellow rope for student council and my yellow sash for making the Honor Society. Oh let's not forget my pin for earning passing with distinction on my senior project and I marched down the aisle with my classmates, ending one journey of my life.

It seems like from the moment we were done singing "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake (our class song) time has just flown. I blinked and I was doing it again (minus the song of course and this time wearing blue) marking the end of college. I exhaled and I married my high school sweetheart and have the most adorable intelligent 2 year old the world has ever seen. And I paused and now I am going to be a mommy of 2, living in our home with a family that I could not have dreamed about.

Tomorrow we celebrate those 10 years at our reunion. I also run my first 10k in the morning (well I use the term run now lightly since I may have to walk some due to baby sprout and how much he can handle) Derrick and I have grown up together over the last 10 (actually we just passed our 11 year anniversary back on the 5th!) years. We have changed as individuals and as a couple. We like to joke we are in the best shape of our lives. Which happens to be true for me and I would say he has not lost the shape he has been in since high school.

I am excited tomorrow is a big day! And if I am still walking after the 10k I may just dance the night away like I would have 10 years ago :0)

LIVE LAUGH CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!

Favorite sounds

The sense of smell is a wonderful thing. A whiff of a certain scent can send you back years to a childhood memory or can just make you feel all warm and fuzzy. The smell of crayons, a snugly baby, the beach, fresh cut grass and lemons all bring me happy thoughts and can make my day.

For some certain sounds can do that as well. The sound of my daughter saying "Mommy I love you to the moon and back, I just love you bunches and bunches", my husbands hello on the phone after a trying morning, birds chirping, a brook flowing are all sounds that do it for me. But now we can add another sound to the list. The sound of the whoosh whoosh of a baby's heart beat heard for the very first time. We had this with Ella too and I will never ever forget hearing it for the first time in the doctors office. This time around however, it was a bit different. We heard that tiny little thing a few days before my scheduled appointment (which is tomorrow the day Ella turns 2.5!).

Last week a very good friend (who is about to have a baby any day!!!!) sent me her Doppler to use. The day it came in the mail, all three of us were home. We ran in the house, tore open the package and threw up my shirt. The gel was squirted on and a few seconds later, there it was, the whooshing of baby sprout's (official Brown family number of 7.2.2) little heart. Just beating away. We all heard it, we all talked about and we all decided it was time to let the world know why I have not been running as much, hiding out due to insane amounts of throwing up and overall just not feeling well. We are expecting baby #2 sometime around Christmas.

That is right, another December baby. Although I swore that December was not a month I would ever want to give birth again it is ok. After over a year of trying and poking and prodding and ultra sounds and BFN after BFN, we are now anxiously awaiting the arrival of our new little bundle of joy. And when asked whether it is a boy baby or a girl baby our sweet little Ella replies every time with "A boy, a stinkin boy. You better change that boy into a girl cause boys are super stinky" I guess that comes from being the only little girl in a sea of little boys but I sort of have to agree with the stinky part. At least judging from my own experience (no names mentioned). Christmas this year will bring the perfect little addition to us and we could not be more thrilled.

So maybe this blog will be flooded with pregnancy updates, maybe it wont. Maybe I will continue the TTC posts when I see fit. I still have some very close friends whom I love dearly on the hell ride of TTC and I can't wait for them to join me. Just know you still have your biggest cheerleader ever over here waiting in the wings. And trust me suck it up and deal with all the crap cause it is so worth it!

Live, Laugh, Whoosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Male View

Usually and more like always you can tell what a member of the male species is thinking at any given point. (It's really not that hard, if they are at work it's about work. If they are in the kitchen it's about food... and so on and so forth) However, very rarely do they actually communicate the thoughts in a way that a women stands up and says YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! Especially thoughts that are laden with emotion and routed in the heart. For most men those heart to heart type of conversations just don't happen. They show their love by working hard to support their family or maybe by even remembering to pick their underwear up off the bathroom floor.

Being a part of the TTC community for so long I have stumbled across many many many a women who feels beat down, lost and completely and totally broken. We form support groups, message boards, email trains, even Facebook groups to be able to have a place to go where people get us. We can speak our true feelings and not have anyone judging and beaming on the inside that thankfully they will never even have to begin to experience what we are going through. We get each other, we get the insane intense emotions that journey brings. We get the intense hate you feel for your body, how you begin to lose touch with your spouse and all of that. We women TALK to each other and listen to each other. However, in most cases we never talk to our husbands with the same openness and at the same level. I for one really did not want my husband to really have to deal with all the crap I was wading through.

Recently one of my lovely TTC buddies (Whom by the way I am routing for hard core this month!!!!!!!!) posted an article she had found. Husbands: What to Expect When She is not Expecting was written by a man and after I read it, had that man been standing in front of me reading it, I would have stood up and cheered loudly. The article touched me, it spoke to me and it made me see the light.

Why hadn't I talked to D more about this: "This is because many women consider infertility to be a shameful topic. And, because of it, there's a good chance your wife is feeling scared, embarrassed and inadequate." Ummm yes HELLO yes exactly it! I am a women I am supposed to be able to conquer all. In no way am I going to let anyone, even my husband, know how severely I am failing! Really I am women hear me ROAR!!! The article actually was meant for men to get there wives. And men who are in a TTC journey right now its a great place to start to be able to add help to the situation! Take his 5 rules and use them! However, it also showed me a little about myself through the whole process as well.

My favorite line was when he was talking about men sucking it up to take a semen analysis test but really I could have applied it to all the insane amount of blood work, poking, prodding, internal ultra sounds and personal questions fielded: "Get over it. Infertility is demoralizing, invasive and messy. That's just the way it is. Sorry." Yep it really is just the way it is. Some day it will all be worth it but when you are stuck in the middle of the journey, keep your head up and get over it :0)

Live Laugh TALK!

its a BOY!!!

So happy to annouce that my little sis is going to welcome a little boy in September! And judging from the insanely clear ultra sound pictures (shots I could have only hoped for when I was preggo with Ella) he is going to be quite the cutie with super long legs! Can't wait to meet my little guy :o). Congrats Amanda and Joe!

Happy Mudder's Day!

Well it's a little late but I had planned on writing a very nice Mother/Mudder's Day post on Sunday after we returned from VT but things did not go as planned. Instead of having a nice drive home, stopping for a nice lunch and then delivering hanging plants to each of our mother's with love, we ended up in a car crash which kind of put a kink in our plans.

Heading home from the Tough Mudder turned out to be more of an event then the Mudder itself. In a down poor on I93 in Concord a car spun out and lost control due to the speed he was traveling. We were behind him and once he hit the guard rail he spun back out and crashed into us in the left lane, sending us over to the other guard rail. Eventually we both came to a stop sandwiched together and all OK. 911 was called. We all earned a trip by ambulance to the hospital and poor Tini was not drivable and towed to a local impound. Everyone was released and we were all fine, but we had to call my parent's to come and get us (Happy Mother's Day Mom!!!).

So now it is a few days later, the paperwork of dealing with insurance is under way. The car was NOT totaled (YAY!!!!). I guess it was a good thing it was so new, it needed to acquire lots of damage to be considered totaled. And I just got some of the pictures from the weekend up.

It was a great little mini vacation. We rented a house and the kids had a blast. Playing pool, swimming and just hanging out all together getting the run of the place. Team "Mud Flaps" was altogether and the laughs rolled in. Saturday ended up being a fabulous day, sun and somewhat warm (for the spectators at least). When all was said and done Team Mud Flaps were four of 14,000 participants who took on over 25 obstacles along a 10 mile route with 13,747 feet of elevation change and 7,000 feet of climbing. I am very proud of our boys!!!

Vermont Bound!

Thankful today is overcast and rainy. It means that I should be able to find the motivation to stay in and get our bags packed and the Versa loaded down. Tomorrow we leave for Vermont and what should be a fun family weekend!

Ella is pretty excited after watching the Wonder Pets go to Vermont to rescue a beaver and I think Derrick is pretty excited to run the Tough Mudder. So now all I have to do is get started on making my packing lists and cleaning the house, so I can have someone come in for the cat and fish.

Live Laugh ROAD TRIP!!!!