Slap in the face...

Earlier this year I stepped on the scale and was VERY pleasantly shocked to find that I had lost a lot more weight than I thought and my weight loss total had reached 101 pounds.  Yeah a pretty big accomplishment in our house hold.  I mean, never before have I been so committed to a journey of me.  It is all outward appearance yes, that I know.  And does it make me a bit vain to now have two kids, be in my 30s and weigh the least I have ever weighed?  Maybe, I mean I am not sure its vanity but it most definitely is pride. 

I always reserved myself to be the fat girl, the chunky one.  I was always the girl in a group of guys and it never really mattered because I was just the chubby chick.  I was the fattest sister, the fattest cousin and the fattest friend.  And without me even realizing it, I have reversed this image of myself.  My weight loss journey has been A LONG time coming. After all, my highest weight was in college ummm 5 year 10 years ago.  I have gotten married and birthed two kids and somehow have ended up the smallest ever.  Now I can share clothes with my friends, my sisters, and my cousins. 

Now, I have known in my head my weight loss number for a few months, but it was not until last weekend that I got a slap in the face for what that meant. Last weekend was the wedding of our friend and it was a glamorous affair.  I struggled for weeks about what dress I was going to wear.  I tried on dozens of dresses, and modeled them for D's family, my family and even text modeled them to a few close friends.  I got lots of great feedback and votes for a few of the dresses.  My SIL even looked me straight in the eye and said "I am not sure what your problem is, the dress looks fantastic on you.  You've worked hard, what is your hang up?!"  And I looked at her and just plain shook my head.  I did not know what my problem was.  I was trying on size 4 and even size 2 dresses and I just didn't feel like they worked for me.  The night of the wedding I put on the dress that received the most votes and stepped in front of a full length mirror for the first time in over a year.  Right then and there I got a HUGE slap in the face...

Holy SMOKES, I was tiny. AM tiny!  The number knowledge didn't matter, the compliments were received and I smiled and said thank you but never believed them.  It took the full length mirror and an image that I didn't realize was me to actually "see" myself for how far I have come.  It truly is amazing how tiny I am now, and I use the term tiny in reference to myself only.  I know that I could go a tad smaller and that I am still not the smallest but I am most definitely not MY biggest anymore. 

I am proud of the fact that I have met a goal that I didn't even realize that I had at first.  Bringing down Christmas decorations yesterday, I found an old picture in the attic.  It is probably the closest picture I have of how large I let myself get.  The sad thing is that it is still about 30 pounds under what I was at my biggest.  I did a side by side and there are no words of how proud I am of ME.  Yes, I am proud of MYSELF, I am learning to accept myself and just be me.  Weight loss isn't necessarily what makes a person, pounds never EVER define who you are, but the fact that I COMMITTED to this, I saw it out and I WORKED MY ASS OFF and didn't give up on myself most certainly means that I CAN DO ANYTHING. 


So blessed

I turn, ready for this? I'm only admitting it once.... 30, yes three oh, dirty thirty and all of the above tomorrow. And in 30 years I have had so many many blessings!

*I was born to wonderful, kind, generous, warm, loving parents.

* I grew up with a little sister and friend.

* I have always been surrounded by family. All yes ALL of my aunts and uncles, grandparents and cousins lived within a short distance.

* I met, fell in love with and married my best friend, soul mate and other half of my heart early in life.

* I have friends, close friends. Some I have known since kindergarten. Others from high school. Then even more from mommy groups and P street living. And yes even some from the good ole Internet that have quickly turned into real life friends and not just Internet ones ;0)

* I married into a great big fun loving clan! Drinks are always hoisted in good cheer an laughter is plentiful. My in laws for the most part even like me, even when I'm just me and not Party Christina.

* I have two of the most intelligent, adorable, cuddly, happy children EVER!!!! Both of them are just priceless!

* We have made our house a home. A true cozy little nook that belongs to my little family and always has an open door to all.

* I have a college degree, have run a half marathon, have my health, lost a 101 pounds and am lucky enough to stay home and raise my littles.

All of these and even still more blessings have been piled upon me in just 30 short years. I wouldn't trade my life for a billion Coach bags! After all I just got one this weekend from my family along with some beautiful accessories and gift cards to take my new smaller body shopping for clothes that actually fit!!!

This weekend was perfect. I so enjoyed girl time with my mom and sister and Princess Pie. A surprise party that was so thoughtfully and beautifully pulled off. My decorations were tailored for me. Seriously, it screamed C all over the place! I felt the love from all the people gathered both here and in spirit and I just spent the afternoon spoiling myself. Tonight with Jammie's and tea in front of the fire playing a wild game of Ants in the Pants. Life truly doesn't get any more perfect than this. I am pretty sure my next 30 years are just going to rock!

Good night all, when I wake up I will be 25 again ;0)

making time

You see, right now with two sleeping babies in the house and a Princess Pie off at school, I have some time.  Some time for me.  It is not often that I get that time.  In fact on a daily basis I do not even have time for everything let alone some spare time to carve some out for just myself.  But, I need to do that.  I need to remember that I can get more done when I actually take the time to breathe once in a while. 

Work, this little part time passion job that I took on, has been anything but to say the least.  I believe in the theory WHOLE heartidly but well I am having trouble fitting the pieces together.  Most days I literally feel like I am drowning and there is no way to come up for air.  I am hoping that soon, soon things will be up and running smoothly.

But for now, now I am promising myself to take some time to spend more time with my family and more time for myself.  I have missed writing and I really want to sit down and blog some more. I also have some family projects in mind that I am bound and determinded to do, thanks Pinterest!!!!

Now off to cut more leaves for our Tree of Thanks before school pick up and babies wake up!