10, 9, 8, 7, 6....

It is almost time for the countdown! Wow what a year it has been.  Weight has been lost, miles have been run, challenges and obstacles have been overcome.  A baby has grown into a one year old and a little girl left the preschool stage.  Jobs have come and gone and goals have been met and exceeded.

Just tonight I watched as my baby girl fearlessly laced up the hockey skates and stepped out onto the ice for the first time alone.  The chair she held was soon pushed aside and I witnessed her fly solo across the ice.  The ride home from the family fun of skating, sledding, bonfires and fireworks was full of excited chatter from the back retelling us over and over how much she loved skating. Max was amazed with the fireworks and was secretly walking when no one was looking and squealing with delight as he was pulled across the ice in the sled.

I am so lucky.  Tonight is the 13th year D and I will ring in the year with a kiss and I am very much looking forward to locking lips with the love of my life and welcoming the beginning of 2013.  What will it bring us I am not sure, although perhaps a third little bundle may be on my wish list :0).

I wish that all wishes are granted, laughs come easy and friends are always near to everyone.  If 2012 had any indication I am in for an absolutely fantastic year to come.  My little family is going to just bloom even more and I know that we are going to have one fun year!!!

Happy New Year!!!!!

Believe...

....in yourself.

It's funny.  It hit me tonight. It was not all the miles logged training, or the dozen or so races I ran this year.  It was not at the end of my half marathon or after accomplishing my sub 30 5k goal.  I was not even all of the running that I logged in November or the pride in being able to hit the road in the dark and the extreme cold, or how now I think nothing of pushing BOB loaded with kids in order to squeeze in a run.  It was tonight.  I finally feel like I earned my running tattoo tonight.

I hit the road late, after 8.  I had already worked out and even pulled the kids in their sled to the store to rent a movie for D and I's date night tonight, but I went anyway.  I laced up, through on hat and mittens and my fabulous red running jacket and stepped out the door.  I stepped out into white out winter wonderland.  The snow was coming down heavy and quick at a slant.  The sidewalks already had an unplowed 2 inches on them and snow felt like tiny pin pricks on my face.  BUT, I started out.  It was slow, it was quiet and it was beautiful.  I didn't go out because I had too, I didn't go out because I had a goal to meet, or something to prove.  I just went out because.  I was out alone, I went out happy and I thought as I hit the first 1/4 mile.  I LOVE it out here.  Running is not a chore.  I proved I could run in the heat, the sun and the gorgeous fall weather. Tonight the conditions were not prime for running, as my feet felt the pavement under the snow I was truly enjoying myself.  Tonight, I proved that yes I can make myself into anything.  I earned my tattoo.  The wheels are now turning and my design skills are being put to the test.  I think I may just know exactly what and where the next round of ink will be.  And even though I do not regret any of my tattoos this one,  THIS ONE will be something that I earned by believing in myself. 

Twas the Night Before Chirstmas...

And all through our home, the finishing touches were being perfected by us little knomes. 

The Children were snuggled all warm in their beds, as final exhaustion lowered their sweet heads.

We drove through the town, seeing lights that we found and the Christmas music was playing the most glorious sound. 

We had spent the night visiting our families with the most wonderous delight.

Sharing food, laughs, and even an engagement, there were gasps!

Now the gifts have all been layed, the cookies digested and Santa's note was looked at with great admiration.

Tomorrow brings wonder, excitement and joy.  As our littles will squeal over each little toy.

The memories we make will be held onto tight and looked back upon next Christmas night.

To all of our friends both near and away, we wish you a very magical day.

Now bedtime is here for even us elves who are squirming with thrill inspite of our exhaustion...

Yes the rhyming is done, I must go to bed.

So Merry Christmas to all and to all a good sled.....

GOOD NIGHT!

 

Dear Max,

We celebrated you today.  You turned one.  You took great joy in your special chair Mommy and Daddy got you.  You even decided to stop walking in secret and took off across the room for us all to see.  The last year has gone by so quickly.  You were born a year ago and I swear the smiles started before we even left the hospital.  You have brought so much light and laughter into our family.  I had a hard time falling asleep last night, and in fact saw the clock mark your special day before I even went to sleep.  I spent the night just thinking about you.  How you have changed our family, yet how it feels like you have always been right here with us.  You fit in so extra perfectly. 

You are Ella's Goodgie, Daddy's Big Guy and Mommy's Love Bug.  You have such an amazing personality.  From the moment you were born you were this little laid back thing.  You came out calm and content.  You snuggled in my arms just like you still do.  You make so many people happy.  You are amazing, smart, funny as all get out, care free, and daring.  You can charm a room full of people and make your sister laugh until she cries.  You can make Daddy drop whatever he's doing and you make Mommy's heart sore.  You make being a Mommy so easy.  You are full of giggles and smiles and mischief in a good way.  You take delight in all things and always have a kiss, a hug or a snuggle to pass out along with your sweet smile.  You are the most perfect addition to our family and we couldn't have picked a more precious baby.

You turned one today and I love you more than you will ever know.  You have given me a year of pure joy as a mommy.  Watching the love you and your sister have is the most phenomenal thing I could ever witness.  You my dear sweet boy are such a beautiful soul and the world is going to see something big of you some day I just know it. 

I love you my dear sweet boy, and you will always be my very special second born. 

364 days

It's been 364 days since we received one of our very best Christmas gifts ever. For some reason we keep having December babies and this actually makes sense considering what little miracles they are.

One year ago tonight I was in the midst of labor with my little mister. I had just packed up my first baby and sent her off in the capable hands of my parents and was settled in to await the delivery of my little guy. I can't believe it's been a year. This year with my little ball of delight has flown by. The 14 months of TTC him was so drawn out and torturous but all of the constant smiles and laid back attitudes of Mister Mister have completely taken all of those dark times away.

I kissed my happy little baby goodnight tonight and sent him off mirroring his huge grin. Tomorrow I will wake to his little pice ringing out with mama and greet him with his vampire toothy grin as a big one year old.

Good night sweet boy <3

conflicted

It was about a week ago that I declared I was leaving Facebook and for the most part I have not been present there.  I have not however, deactivated my account yet.  At first I told myself it was because I was signed up to win some great giveaways and I needed to see if by chance I win.  But deep down there is a real reason....

I can't really bring myself to do it.  While I full out admit that I have a slight addiction to constantly seeing what is going on and making every second of the entirely too cute lives of my children visible to all for pure bragging rights (My kids are awesome I have to shout their totally adorable antics to the world!!!!), I also use it for a connection.  A connection to some really wonderful friends and family.  We have family all over the states and I enjoy seeing their day to day life and come to find out after a few comments from the last family Christmas party they actually enjoy my picture and kid story overloads.  But I also have a group a friends.  A group that has been through hell and back together.  We have brought each other through so many bad times and cheered each other through so many good times.  This group started out as just my "Internet friends" but you see they are not JUST my Internet friends anymore.  They are more.  We have formed a bond and yes some may be closer to others but we are all there for each other.  If I left Facebook how would I share with them what is going on?  Yes we text and call and see each other at least once a year but really I do not want to miss out on the day to day lives of these girls.  I would never have the chance to run into them in the grocery store, or call them over for a glass of wine (although there have been MANY a times I wish I could walk into one of their kitchens and sit there and cry and drink and talk with them).  I can't get in the car and drive for a few hours and end of spending the weekend with them. (Well yes I could do this with one!).  But you see these girls brought me through my first pregnancy, they were there COMPLETELY when TTC Max.  They cheered and cried and threw me a very special party when I was pregnant with him.  I have lost weight with them, grew my self confidence because of them, learned things I never knew, read some good books, laughed and cried and just built this connection.  All mostly because of Facebook.  So that is probably the real reason I have not just walked away yet.  I do need to do something, I admit I have a problem but I need to work on not losing this amazing group of women while I correct my problem....

So maybe, I do not get rid of Facebook all together.  Maybe, I severely dwindle my time I spend on there.  Maybe, I delete the app off my phone, and set a timer at night for use at night.  Maybe I only check in on Mondays or Fridays. Or maybe never during a certain time frame.  I am not sure.  I am looking forward to more ME time, more less rushed time and more real life play dates but I need to make a compromise here and I need to be held accountable for that. 

Decisions are hard!

time

Time, oh how it slips by so quietly and so quickly each and every day.  There are never enough minutes in the day to do all that needs to be done let alone all the little fun making memory extras that I like to throw in. So right now, while one child is sleeping still and one is playing contently at my feet and getting VERY close to taking his first steps as long as he thinks no one is watching, I decided to take some of my precious time and make an announcement.  Of course, all while using one eye to keep a look out for those first few steps if Mister Mister decides he wants to take more than 2. His current record.  

I am leaving Facebook, yes you heard me right.  The huge social media network that is EVERYWHERE will no longer be my home in the New Year.  I am not sure how this is going to all go over yet.  I mean I am on Facebook a ton.  I check in in traffic, while the kids nap, while I am making lunch, while Ella is in ballet. I am constantly quickly uploading pictures.  After all, who doesn't want to see my adorable kids, right? I have a friend who recently took this plunge and while I am not usually a follower, I decided to be this time.  You see all those quick, little check ins add up.  I may only be on for a minute here or there but if I took all those minutes I may end up having enough time during the day to not only get all the things for the day done, BUT also score some me time.  

I know for sure I am going to have some withdrawals.  Oh my Facebook has been a part of who I am for so long.  Its my deal finding, mommy networking, idea inspiring and running motivation go to!  I just need to find replacements for those things, (Hello Pinterest, Retailmenot and real LIVE play dates).  I do have a group of precious friends, that had better up their text plans because those girls know I can't go without them for too long!  

So, as I prepare to say farewell my friends (on Facebook ONLY!) I am gearing up my blogging skills.  After all, I can't make you all give up seeing adorable updates on the home front.  And where else would I post words I never thought I would utter (We do NOT put waffles in our ears.), Ella-isms and I am sure some Max-isms someday too, or any other news I want to shout to the world (perhaps my new 2013 running accomplishments?).

For the record Mister Mister decided to NOT take those steps and played with the iPad very quietly, what a good little monkey he is :0) 

 

Dear Ella,

You turned four today.  You have grown another year and managed to take my love for you to a whole new depth.  We celebrated you today.  It started this morning when Blueie surprised you with a birthday wish and a decorated house.  Complete with a decorated special breakfast chair.  Today was wonderful.  Watching you just have pure joy at being the center of attention and the special birthday girl was just priceless.  However, my favorite part of the day was not the decorations, not the cupcakes we made together, or the special dinner we cooked. It was not seeing your excitement with your new ballet leotard and tickets to the Nutcracker or the birthday "coffee" we shared.

While all of those things were fantastic my absolute favorite part was this afternoon.  When the whole house was quite and asleep.  The tree lights were on and you curled up in my side and we watched your special fairy show that you love so much.  Then the best thing happened.  You closed your beautiful eyes and snuggled in deeper as you fell asleep.  I just sat there and watched you and smiled as I just thought of all the wonderful things that make you, YOU!

You, my beautiful sweet soul are the most amazing little girl.  You are kind, generous and so sweet.  You are funny beyond belief and smarter than I could have ever imagined you would be.  You are gorgeous and talented, crafty and spunky.  You can make mommy laugh at the drop of a hat and put a smile on my face instantly brighten any mood I am in.  You know how to love and love deeply.  You have a wise and kindred soul.  You are inquisitive and knowledgeable with a memory like a steel trap.  You love fairies and princesses, singing and dancing, art and cooking.  You are this whole, little, complete ball of sunshine that has brightened my sky for the last 4 years.

I love you sweet Baby Girl Sunshine Duck (the name you insist I call you when you are not insisting I call you Wanda, Tangled, Dora, Sister Princess, Max's Mom, Brit, or whatever other name strikes your fancy).  You make mommy so very very VERY happy that I was blessed with such an amazing baby girl.  You will forever and always be my first special baby. 

Love,
Mommy

It always sneaks up....

In little ways every day I see my baby grow. I see how her mind is working, changing, growing, filling full of useful knowledge. I see her pants start to get shorter and her dresses become shirts. I witness the quick thinking of a growing sassafras and think, wow! Look at this little girl getting so big. I witness all of these things yet, I don't let them sink in. And then it happens, we are on the eve of another birthday. Four this time. FOUR! Where did the time go? With her birthday tomorrow I actually have to let it sink in. All those things I've been witnessing. Yeah my baby is getting older.

4 years ago at this time I was in hour 47 o labor. Only 10 more hours left until my sweet baby girl would enter this world and instantly make it a better place, a more magical place, a brighter place. Gosh darn do I love that little girl. She's completely got me head over heels in love. I love we to the moon and back.

I sat reading to her tonight. All snuggles in on my lap. I can't believe it was the last night I would read to my three year old. Tomorrow it will be my four year old. As she looked at me with her huge gorgeous sparkling eyes and said "when I'm four will you still pick me up and hold me?" I near about lost it. Yes baby girl. I'll always pick you up and hold you. Even when you're 44!

Now with bittersweet tears I'm off to hang up the surprise birthday decorations and spend the rest of the night walking down memory lane. There will be lots of picture flipping and smiles of that I'm sure.