Why Hellooooo!

Ok so who am I and what have I done? I am a crazy mother of two who now thinks that anything is possible. I am not sure if it is my sleep deprived self or the empowered self after giving birth to a gigantic 7 pound 13 ounce baby boy. However, in a haze of extreme cockiness the other night I went and officially signed myself up to run a half marathon. Yep, that is right folks I am supposedly going to be running 13.1 straight miles this September. HOLY HELL is all I have to say about that. Yeah I ran lots of 5ks last year but thats 3.1 miles. How the heck can I tack on an extra 10?

So with training thoughts RUNNING (hahaha I crack myself up!) through my head I have to make an official plan of attack. I need to come up with a way to train my body to accomplish this feat. I downloaded an app, because why yes there is an app for everything and after a day where I started wishing I had a career that afforded me the luxury of a lunch break and the chance to use the potty without an audience I made the call.

I called my old pal Running to see if she was mad at me for not being in touch for so long. She informed me she was willing to meet again and I met D at the door in my full running gear (Hello bright red not very attractive running jacket that I earned every thread of!). I went out in a balmy 30 degrees and put my head down and went for it. I wanted to see what I could do after taking a running hiatus. Well, Running and I still like each other. I may not be able to go out and run 13 miles tomorrow and it may take me all summer to even attempt to try to do the full 13 BUT I was able to run one mile tonight without stopping and had it not been so cold I probably could have done at least one more. So there ya go. I am on my way to training for an event that I had never ever EVER deemed myself capable of doing before. I am going to put my best foot forward (hardy har har) and give it all I have, I may walk some of it but I can guarantee I will run more than I ever have in my life before :0)

Oh and now that D is home and is in the kitchen cooking with both kiddos I have heavenly plans of a shower and a martini. It's not a martini Monday martini (Thank goodness its Thursday and not Monday!), it's a Mental health Martini!

still *blushing*

So today is Monday, we all know that Mondays are the most hated day of the week and its for good reason. Today started off around 2am for me and thats fine. I have actually adjusted to the early mornings and function ok with little to no sleep right now. However, back to Monday. Mondays are always hard since I get a little spoiled on the weekends with D waking up early and cleaning the whole house and baking fresh muffins each morning, ready when I get out of bed. But Mondays, I wake up to just me, me and two kiddos. This Monday we decided to hit a play date and get out of the house.

So after getting myself and two kids up and ready and fed, the mouse that was in the trash was an obstacle that I had to deal with in panic mode in the middle of all this. However, we made it, in the car and it was only 8:55. We arrive at the play date and all is good. I get Ella ready to have some snow fun and Max decides eating is more important so there I stand in full outside gear nursing the baby as Ella gets ready to slide. We have a ton of fun staying out for an hour and Ella just enjoying the playing in the snow with the other 3 year olds.

All is still good when we march back inside for a snack and some more play before we head home for lunch. We play, I tell Ella its time to head home for lunch, I stand up and right then and there total embarrassment sets in. Because as I glance down I notice a yellow, gooey puddle on the floor, and as I look for the source I notice that there is also yellow gooey-ness running down my hand. Yep it was POOP. Max decided to that before we left a major blow-out was in order. There was a puddle on the floor, down the ottoman and yes down my own leg and up my sweater as well. I stood there totally frozen and bright red. How the heck am I going to clean this up. Where should I even start. Well, my luck runs back to being good for a bit since the host of play group is the most laid back and kind mother and knows exactly what I am going through, it had happened to her once. As I clean up Max another awesome mom helps me clean myself up and keep all the other kids away from the blast site.

Boy oh boy what an ordeal and my cheeks have now stayed red all the way home, through lunch and even as I put everyone for a nap. I am now sitting here mortified and yet relieved that if it had to happen it happened at the house it happened at. Not many people would have reacted so calm and nice through all of that!

Now I think in the words of Uncle Larry and my sister-in-law, it is totally a martini Monday!!!

What?! NO!

Max is 4 weeks old today FOUR WEEKS! What?! No! Say it ain't so. Where is the time going? I can not believe that he is already 4 weeks. These last weeks have passed in a busy blur. We had the holidays and the whole getting back to a schedule thing.

We now pretty much have some things figured out. I know that I can get out of the house with both kids to get Ella to school, go to story hour, visit or run errands. In fact I took both kiddos to Target the other day and ended up nursing while pushing my cart through the whole store, so yep things are doable. Are they difficult? No not really just different. Having two takes some different ways of thinking and planning. I now have to get 3 of us dressed and ready (4 if D is home) and that takes a bit more time.

Max is doing FANTASTIC. He is such a chill baby and pretty much hangs out doing whatever all day. Night time is still our "hard" time of day and its only because he tends to want to be up and interact until 1am and then cuddle with mommy (although daddy is acceptable now too!) for the rest of the night. He has stopped nursing so often and now does 2-3 hour stretches with some 4 hour ones thrown in over night. He is "smizing" and I think smiles wont be too far behind. He has very bright and alert eyes and loves to look at his big sister. His eyes also are getting lighter, staying blue perhaps?

Ella is hands down the best big sister ever. She really makes having another one super easy and exciting. She loves Max but not over the top. She is gentle and caring and I love that the first thing she does every morning is run straight to Max with a beautiful smile and a warm "Good Morning buddy". She really has adjusted well to the whole new person in the house thing.

D, D is balancing it all. He is pretty sleep deprived but insists on helping me out when ever he can. I love watching him make plans with Max and have play time with both kids. He is still making dinner (not tonight I am on my own and I am HATING IT! I am thinking of ordering takeout...) and is pretty amazing.

Me? Well, I am in awe that I am now a mommy to a little boy. There are definitely things that I am still trying to figure out (really seriously poop has so many places to hide on a boy that diaper changing is always an adventure. From dodging the pee sprinkler to finding all the poop). I need to still find a balance between the two and acquire more patience. I need to somehow learn that sleep is not necessary and get some clothes that fit me. (although yoga pants are so comfy!) I can not wait to start running and have just a few more weeks to go!!!

Now, I must suck it up and leave the quiet behind. Its 5 and I should wake Ella up from her nap and figure out something for dinner, seriously pizza delivered to the door is all I am thinking I can muster up. And brace myself for 4 more hours of single parenting. Curse these day business trips!!!


Ok so I was planning this blog out in my head on TTC and infertility. It is no big secret that these are topics that I hold close to my heart and am VERY passionate about. In fact I can get pretty easily riled up overhearing someone say, oh when are you having a baby? Its not rocket science. Or my husband just looks at me and I get pregnant, its pretty easy. And oh the list of completely idiotic comments goes on and on. However, while nursing my little one in the wee hours of the morning I came across something else that gets my blood BOILING!

Why do women feel the need to degrade each other so much? We are constantly on society's case for devaluing us. We are on men's cases for devaluing us. But in this culture I think that women devalue and degrade each other in far worse ways. We JUDGE and judge and judge to the point of no return. It's pretty sickening actually. You have the passive aggressive type of judgers and the full blown down your throat you did something so wrong judgers.

While I was pregnant with Max I stumbled upon a Facebook page called Birth Without Fear (Thanks to a fellow hypnobirther!) I LOVED LOVED LOVED this concept. I mean hadn't I just blogged myself about women putting the unnecessary feeling of fear into other women? Women now feared the most beautiful journey they will ever be on. Why do we feel the need to make hurdles for each other? And now that I have had Max I continued to follow to hear about other people's glorious births. And last night, or I should say this morning I realized that ALL of the birth's were completely drug free and that to them that was the ONLY way to have a fear free birth AND to have it be beautiful. I myself had some used drugs. Should I be made to feel beaten down and broken like I couldn't quite accomplish it? However, I relented and just enjoyed reading all the different birth stories, even though I knew my birth story would never be featured because I didn't do it the "right" way. And then it happened, I lost it in anger when the circumcision talk started. We all have different opinions on this matter and really I do not want to even get in to it. Can't we just accept that some of us made one choice while others made the other?

Here all these women were saying HORRIBLE things about other mom's who chose the opposite of what they chose. Regardless of the reasons for each choice it should be left alone. Why why why do we as women feel the need to make others feel inferior because of a personal choice that was made for THEIR family? No choice can be right or wrong. Why can't we just embrace each mom's journey as a MOM and respect that not all opinions are going to match up?

Because of a comment made last night on Birth Without Fear, I have now chose to stop following and realize that for some who claim to be open minded they most certainly are only open minded if you follow their thought train. So this girl is getting off at the next station and refuses to ride that train any longer.

By the way I was so wound up that I planned a whole blog post at 4 am this morning. However, that one did not get written since I was snuggled up with my sleeping little man. I just hugged him tighter and cursed in my head alot :0)

Do they really exsist?

So, I made it back to the blog this week, super yay for me! In fact I have even managed to get a few consecutive hours a night of sleep. I have managed to doze between 12:30 and 3:30 and then again until around 5:30. This does not mean I am sleeping in my bed, nor that I am very comfortable while dozing BUT I am getting some shut eye so it helps. Max just prefers that him and Mommy sleep downstairs on the playroom couch which is near the woodstove. I am not sure if it is the the noise of the blower, the glow of the embers, the heat that is radiating off it OR the fact that he gets to sleep on my chest as I sit half reclined on the couch. Im going to guess that it is mostly probably my snuggle hold that helps him sleep but it also has to be something about the room since this hold does not work when I am in my own bed next to my husband. Actually maybe, its the lack of D that he likes since from 10pm to 7am he gets my undivided attention. He is a mama's boy and I actually secretly (well not so secretly as of this moment) love that he loves me so much :0)

So anyway, now that I am feeling a little refreshed, I have been thinking I need a job. Not so much for the money since we have adjusted pretty well to just not having money. Although, I kind of would really like a new car, a bigger car. I have been dreaming of a van and for those who know me really well you know my extreme dislike for them. But the Versa as much as a great little car that she be, is NOT handling two very well. Just putting a diaper bag in sends us over our space limit and everything gets crammed in. But I would like a job that I can obviously do from home because one thing I am not willing to do is give up my Mommy job title. I tried that once and hated it. I am not meant to be a work out of the house mom, I just can't do it. I need to be the one to be there each and every day. Granted there are days when I am barely sane when D walks through the door but I wouldn't trade it for the world. So I need something I can do at home, from home that lets me use my brain in a different way each day.

How do people score these at home jobs? What types of jobs allow for at home working? I totally need to research this and beg people to let me in on the secret! I am even willing to go back to school to score a sacred work from home job. Do I have any readers at all that know anything about this? Help a girl out and let me use my brain some. I am really good at fort design, role playing in pretend play and leading a school on ballet (which I bet you all have never seen a nursing ballerina, but you would have if you happened to come over today around 11 am! But I do have other talents and being a super fast learner who has an excellent memory with a need to organize are among them.

Any advice?


So my goal of blogging twice a week is falling by the wayside. I mean I try, and in fact have a dozen or so blog ideas floating around in my head. Or I will read a blog and then be inspired to write my own thoughts on the same topic. Lately, I have wanted to blog about running (I am about to call my old friend Running and see if she wants to meet up come February!), since I am encouraging myself to run a half this fall. I have wanted to blog about what it means to be a mom to a BOY (in fact I read a blog about 25 Rules for moms of boys, that truly inspired me), my little man is growing so fast and I love him to pieces! I have wanted to blog about Ella antics, she really has had some outstanding one liners, phrases and ideas come out of the pretty little head of hers lately. She also has had her very FIRST haircut. Which means she is now officially not a baby anymore. Her baby curls were the last to go :0(. I have wanted to blog about finding time to be a couple when you now have a couple of kids, but well I haven't even found the time to write about it so its all just theory in my head right now. Oh and I wanted to blog about the endless bizarre adventures I find myself on with my Mom and my Sister. The last one left me literally almost peeing my pants laughing as we tried to fit 3 kids in car seats, 3 strollers and then all of our purchases (well really all of my Mom's purchases, since she took the kids shopping for clothes) into my mom's Highlander. Yes it is a 7 passenger car but really the strollers are what put us over into the look at those ridiculous women category. Next time leave BOB at home Amanda!!!

But atlas I have not blogged about a single one of these things why? Well I am now a mom of TWO and sleep has left out household. At this point with Ella we had a 6 hour stretch a night of sleep. Yes she STTN (Slept Through The Night) at a very early age and D and I were the luckiest couple on Earth. After all we had our beautiful baby girl but at 2 weeks old she was allowing us time to reconnect and talk and SLEEP as a couple. Max? yeah Max is a different story. And although Ella stopped STTN at 5 months at least when she did sleep it was always in her bassinet. Max will not sleep, Max will not sleep, Max will not sleep. Well, that's not entirely true. As long as I nurse him every 40 minutes at night from 7pm to 1am he will sleep in between ONLY IF HE REMAINS LAYING ON MY CHEST! Last night I spent the night on the couch dozing in between feedings and just hold him ALL. NIGHT. LONG! Granted I love snuggling with my baby, I love smelling his baby smell and hearing his little sleeping coos but I would like to lay down in my own bed too and maybe get a 3-4 hour stretch of sleep. It's been awhile since that has happened, months actually.

But I digress, I am a sleepless mother who manages to hold it together and get things done during the day but ONLY the basic most necessary things so blogging? Yeah blogging will have to wait until I manage to acclimate myself to the no sleep a little more. I have a feeling it will be some time yet before you will see me out and about not sporting the newest rage of black bags under my eyes. If any of you want to acquire the new trend and get some black bags of your own I'll let you borrow Max for the night. But be warned it wont take you more than a few hours to get them since he will scream until he gets his Mommy :0)

PS A quick Ellaism for you all: As I was typing she came and asked for a piece of bread. I told her if she can reach it she can have it. She came in with the bread asking what kind it was. I told her it was just like the special bread Daddy makes but Auntie Kate made it. She looked at me dead serious and said "So it must be gluten free then, I don't like gluten free stuff you can have this" Oh me oh my does she pick up on anything and EVERYTHING!


SuperMOM it's now my name... No just kidding but I am feeling especially proud of myself for my accomplishments this morning. Showered, everyone is dressed and fed, house picked up. Laundry caught up, school drop of complete. So yes as I now I am patting myself on the back. This afternoon things will probably go different but hey I'm flexible and if need be I have Tangled cued up in case I need it. I am not dumb, the transition from one to two makes us use exceptions like movie afternoons more than we would like. So yes Ella and I may watch a movie this afternoon and that will make me feel like I failed since we all know that tv using is something that is judged in the competitive career of being a mom. However, let me have my props now before they are taken away....

By the way what I have learned so far from being a mommy to two? The love wants to explode out of me when looking at my babies. The best part? Watching them bond and love each other. It's the first time I have ever seen best friends connect and it's awesome to watch!

...in with the new!

So it is no secret at all the 2011 was an amazing year for my little family of now FOUR!!!! It was probably one of the best years of my life and I enjoyed every moment of it. However, I am excited to see how 2012 can top it. I know that some how it will but I am not sure yet how. So as we say good-bye to 2011 and try to now remember to write the 2012 as the date, I have some goals or shall we say resolutions to add in.

Last year I resolved to blog more, which I think I accomplished since my blog totals for 2011 are almost double. So yay, I made that one.

Last year I promised to take more me time, accessorize and do my hair differently. While I did not wear make-up every day, I DID wear it way more often and my hair over the last years has been worn up, down, in braids and curly so yep got that one too!

As for the pay it forward, I didn't do it nearly as much as I would have liked to but I worked hard at remembering to do it and did accomplish that as well!

So as far as last years resolutions go I knocked them out of the park. So here is to doing the same this year!


1) Continue to blog at least twice a week. So when all is said and done I should have at least 104 posts.

2) RUN!!!! Get back into my running game and enjoy it. I plan to hit the pavement as my me time for this year. I have a goal of running a half for fifth anniversary of turning 25 :0) I am also signed up and eagerly awaiting the Warrior Dash in September! (By the way I am hoping this goal puts me a cute little dress next New Years while I am out rocking it on the town!)

3) LOVE, I want to show the people I love how much I love in them in the little ways. More time spent as a family and unplugged from electronics.

4) Operation Flip Book. I want to take a picture every Monday of myself and each kiddo to then make into a flip book of the changes that occur in a years time. I think it will be a fun project. Plus I want to just get out more and take more photos in general. I want to start a stockpile of pictures that I can turn into gifts, like I did this past Christmas.

So there we have it. In writing the goals I have set for myself. It's down and everyone has seen it so now I have to put it into action. Feel free to hold me accountable. And if you want to be a running buddy come on out and join me. I am not fast at all and hold slow times but I love running with company :0)