conflicted

It was about a week ago that I declared I was leaving Facebook and for the most part I have not been present there.  I have not however, deactivated my account yet.  At first I told myself it was because I was signed up to win some great giveaways and I needed to see if by chance I win.  But deep down there is a real reason....

I can't really bring myself to do it.  While I full out admit that I have a slight addiction to constantly seeing what is going on and making every second of the entirely too cute lives of my children visible to all for pure bragging rights (My kids are awesome I have to shout their totally adorable antics to the world!!!!), I also use it for a connection.  A connection to some really wonderful friends and family.  We have family all over the states and I enjoy seeing their day to day life and come to find out after a few comments from the last family Christmas party they actually enjoy my picture and kid story overloads.  But I also have a group a friends.  A group that has been through hell and back together.  We have brought each other through so many bad times and cheered each other through so many good times.  This group started out as just my "Internet friends" but you see they are not JUST my Internet friends anymore.  They are more.  We have formed a bond and yes some may be closer to others but we are all there for each other.  If I left Facebook how would I share with them what is going on?  Yes we text and call and see each other at least once a year but really I do not want to miss out on the day to day lives of these girls.  I would never have the chance to run into them in the grocery store, or call them over for a glass of wine (although there have been MANY a times I wish I could walk into one of their kitchens and sit there and cry and drink and talk with them).  I can't get in the car and drive for a few hours and end of spending the weekend with them. (Well yes I could do this with one!).  But you see these girls brought me through my first pregnancy, they were there COMPLETELY when TTC Max.  They cheered and cried and threw me a very special party when I was pregnant with him.  I have lost weight with them, grew my self confidence because of them, learned things I never knew, read some good books, laughed and cried and just built this connection.  All mostly because of Facebook.  So that is probably the real reason I have not just walked away yet.  I do need to do something, I admit I have a problem but I need to work on not losing this amazing group of women while I correct my problem....

So maybe, I do not get rid of Facebook all together.  Maybe, I severely dwindle my time I spend on there.  Maybe, I delete the app off my phone, and set a timer at night for use at night.  Maybe I only check in on Mondays or Fridays. Or maybe never during a certain time frame.  I am not sure.  I am looking forward to more ME time, more less rushed time and more real life play dates but I need to make a compromise here and I need to be held accountable for that. 

Decisions are hard!