Slap in the face...

Earlier this year I stepped on the scale and was VERY pleasantly shocked to find that I had lost a lot more weight than I thought and my weight loss total had reached 101 pounds.  Yeah a pretty big accomplishment in our house hold.  I mean, never before have I been so committed to a journey of me.  It is all outward appearance yes, that I know.  And does it make me a bit vain to now have two kids, be in my 30s and weigh the least I have ever weighed?  Maybe, I mean I am not sure its vanity but it most definitely is pride. 

I always reserved myself to be the fat girl, the chunky one.  I was always the girl in a group of guys and it never really mattered because I was just the chubby chick.  I was the fattest sister, the fattest cousin and the fattest friend.  And without me even realizing it, I have reversed this image of myself.  My weight loss journey has been A LONG time coming. After all, my highest weight was in college ummm 5 year 10 years ago.  I have gotten married and birthed two kids and somehow have ended up the smallest ever.  Now I can share clothes with my friends, my sisters, and my cousins. 

Now, I have known in my head my weight loss number for a few months, but it was not until last weekend that I got a slap in the face for what that meant. Last weekend was the wedding of our friend and it was a glamorous affair.  I struggled for weeks about what dress I was going to wear.  I tried on dozens of dresses, and modeled them for D's family, my family and even text modeled them to a few close friends.  I got lots of great feedback and votes for a few of the dresses.  My SIL even looked me straight in the eye and said "I am not sure what your problem is, the dress looks fantastic on you.  You've worked hard, what is your hang up?!"  And I looked at her and just plain shook my head.  I did not know what my problem was.  I was trying on size 4 and even size 2 dresses and I just didn't feel like they worked for me.  The night of the wedding I put on the dress that received the most votes and stepped in front of a full length mirror for the first time in over a year.  Right then and there I got a HUGE slap in the face...

Holy SMOKES, I was tiny. AM tiny!  The number knowledge didn't matter, the compliments were received and I smiled and said thank you but never believed them.  It took the full length mirror and an image that I didn't realize was me to actually "see" myself for how far I have come.  It truly is amazing how tiny I am now, and I use the term tiny in reference to myself only.  I know that I could go a tad smaller and that I am still not the smallest but I am most definitely not MY biggest anymore. 

I am proud of the fact that I have met a goal that I didn't even realize that I had at first.  Bringing down Christmas decorations yesterday, I found an old picture in the attic.  It is probably the closest picture I have of how large I let myself get.  The sad thing is that it is still about 30 pounds under what I was at my biggest.  I did a side by side and there are no words of how proud I am of ME.  Yes, I am proud of MYSELF, I am learning to accept myself and just be me.  Weight loss isn't necessarily what makes a person, pounds never EVER define who you are, but the fact that I COMMITTED to this, I saw it out and I WORKED MY ASS OFF and didn't give up on myself most certainly means that I CAN DO ANYTHING. 

Live, Laugh, BELIEVE in YOURSELF!