A letter to me...

It's funny how at one point in my life I never thought about running, Never ran, never talked about running, never read about running, never dreamed about running.  In my latest transformation into a runner I obviously now, run, talk about running, read about running and dream about running.  Because of my new found fondness of all things running I have started reading some runner blogs.  Due to my extreme (although MUCH cut back) connections on Facebook, I stumbled across two new blogs.  Both are fantastic running blogs but one touched me deeper than I expected I would be touched when I typed the blog address into my tool bar.

Run Far Girls blog the night I happened to read it was a blog where she wrote a letter to her body.  A letter apologizing for all the extreme things she had put her body through.  I read it and I sat there.  I sat there and thought how true, we as women NEVER think of what we put our bodies through.  Whether its starving it, over feeding it, hating it, complaining about it, hiding it, changing it or even forcing it to wear shoes of pure pain.  It is time that we step up and acknowledge what we put ourselves through and maybe take into consideration some kind changes that we can make.  Why do we torture ourselves so?  Yes, society is probably the reason.  We all want to be what is pretty, normal, perfect but for once can we just be us?  So here is my letter to my own body, one that I haven't really been kind too.

For the most part of my 30 years, I have hated you.  At certain points in my life I have loathed you more than others.  I always remember wanting to change you.  To make you shorter, to make you skinnier, to make you curly haired and tan.  I loathed you from the shape of your feet and the size of them all the way to the plain Jane straight as a pin thin hair on the top of your head.  At times I didn't feed you and I hid you.  And then I started to feed you but only the most poisonous of foods.  I forced food into you until you grew and exploded and then I loathed you even more.  I changed your hair color, only wore flats, spent time in tanning beds and on crash diets.

Then when you refused to work properly and give me what I wanted most in the world I wanted a whole new body, one that wasn't fat and broken and mousy looking.  I raged wore with you on the inside everyday while I held a smile to your face for the world to see.  Then, then just when I thought you were the most useless piece of crap a miracle happened.  You grew my baby girl.  You grew the most precious thing in the world for me two times now.  And while you are yet still broken and #3 hasn't happened yet.  I began to see your purpose.  I began to see that those toes that I hate looked so darn cute on a baby, the weight you were holding on too began to fall off and you were accomplishing all these things that I never thought you would be able to do, your hair is still plain and mousy but now the little girl you made likes to watch you curl it or brush it and it just makes your face smile so bright.

Dear body I have put you through so much yet you still seem to surprise me with a love and loyalty that I do not deserve to have.  You have withstood the test of time.  You have entered a new decade with me, smaller than you have ever been and healthy as ever.  You can run, jump, squat, plank, lunge, climb and just be.  After all of these years I now have the confidence to wear you proudly.  Rock on body, rock on.  You may not be what I always wanted but you have been what I have always needed.  I am sorry it took me 30 years to realize this.  From here on out you and I are going to be just fine, if only you can give me curly locks....KIDDING!

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Good for you, this is a great idea. And you are beautiful!

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