Slap in the face...

Earlier this year I stepped on the scale and was VERY pleasantly shocked to find that I had lost a lot more weight than I thought and my weight loss total had reached 101 pounds.  Yeah a pretty big accomplishment in our house hold.  I mean, never before have I been so committed to a journey of me.  It is all outward appearance yes, that I know.  And does it make me a bit vain to now have two kids, be in my 30s and weigh the least I have ever weighed?  Maybe, I mean I am not sure its vanity but it most definitely is pride. 

I always reserved myself to be the fat girl, the chunky one.  I was always the girl in a group of guys and it never really mattered because I was just the chubby chick.  I was the fattest sister, the fattest cousin and the fattest friend.  And without me even realizing it, I have reversed this image of myself.  My weight loss journey has been A LONG time coming. After all, my highest weight was in college ummm 5 year 10 years ago.  I have gotten married and birthed two kids and somehow have ended up the smallest ever.  Now I can share clothes with my friends, my sisters, and my cousins. 

Now, I have known in my head my weight loss number for a few months, but it was not until last weekend that I got a slap in the face for what that meant. Last weekend was the wedding of our friend and it was a glamorous affair.  I struggled for weeks about what dress I was going to wear.  I tried on dozens of dresses, and modeled them for D's family, my family and even text modeled them to a few close friends.  I got lots of great feedback and votes for a few of the dresses.  My SIL even looked me straight in the eye and said "I am not sure what your problem is, the dress looks fantastic on you.  You've worked hard, what is your hang up?!"  And I looked at her and just plain shook my head.  I did not know what my problem was.  I was trying on size 4 and even size 2 dresses and I just didn't feel like they worked for me.  The night of the wedding I put on the dress that received the most votes and stepped in front of a full length mirror for the first time in over a year.  Right then and there I got a HUGE slap in the face...

Holy SMOKES, I was tiny. AM tiny!  The number knowledge didn't matter, the compliments were received and I smiled and said thank you but never believed them.  It took the full length mirror and an image that I didn't realize was me to actually "see" myself for how far I have come.  It truly is amazing how tiny I am now, and I use the term tiny in reference to myself only.  I know that I could go a tad smaller and that I am still not the smallest but I am most definitely not MY biggest anymore. 

I am proud of the fact that I have met a goal that I didn't even realize that I had at first.  Bringing down Christmas decorations yesterday, I found an old picture in the attic.  It is probably the closest picture I have of how large I let myself get.  The sad thing is that it is still about 30 pounds under what I was at my biggest.  I did a side by side and there are no words of how proud I am of ME.  Yes, I am proud of MYSELF, I am learning to accept myself and just be me.  Weight loss isn't necessarily what makes a person, pounds never EVER define who you are, but the fact that I COMMITTED to this, I saw it out and I WORKED MY ASS OFF and didn't give up on myself most certainly means that I CAN DO ANYTHING. 

Live, Laugh, BELIEVE in YOURSELF!

So blessed

I turn, ready for this? I'm only admitting it once.... 30, yes three oh, dirty thirty and all of the above tomorrow. And in 30 years I have had so many many blessings!

*I was born to wonderful, kind, generous, warm, loving parents.

* I grew up with a little sister and friend.

* I have always been surrounded by family. All yes ALL of my aunts and uncles, grandparents and cousins lived within a short distance.

* I met, fell in love with and married my best friend, soul mate and other half of my heart early in life.

* I have friends, close friends. Some I have known since kindergarten. Others from high school. Then even more from mommy groups and P street living. And yes even some from the good ole Internet that have quickly turned into real life friends and not just Internet ones ;0)

* I married into a great big fun loving clan! Drinks are always hoisted in good cheer an laughter is plentiful. My in laws for the most part even like me, even when I'm just me and not Party Christina.

* I have two of the most intelligent, adorable, cuddly, happy children EVER!!!! Both of them are just priceless!

* We have made our house a home. A true cozy little nook that belongs to my little family and always has an open door to all.

* I have a college degree, have run a half marathon, have my health, lost a 101 pounds and am lucky enough to stay home and raise my littles.

All of these and even still more blessings have been piled upon me in just 30 short years. I wouldn't trade my life for a billion Coach bags! After all I just got one this weekend from my family along with some beautiful accessories and gift cards to take my new smaller body shopping for clothes that actually fit!!!

This weekend was perfect. I so enjoyed girl time with my mom and sister and Princess Pie. A surprise party that was so thoughtfully and beautifully pulled off. My decorations were tailored for me. Seriously, it screamed C all over the place! I felt the love from all the people gathered both here and in spirit and I just spent the afternoon spoiling myself. Tonight with Jammie's and tea in front of the fire playing a wild game of Ants in the Pants. Life truly doesn't get any more perfect than this. I am pretty sure my next 30 years are just going to rock!

Good night all, when I wake up I will be 25 again ;0)

making time

You see, right now with two sleeping babies in the house and a Princess Pie off at school, I have some time.  Some time for me.  It is not often that I get that time.  In fact on a daily basis I do not even have time for everything let alone some spare time to carve some out for just myself.  But, I need to do that.  I need to remember that I can get more done when I actually take the time to breathe once in a while. 

Work, this little part time passion job that I took on, has been anything but to say the least.  I believe in the theory WHOLE heartidly but well I am having trouble fitting the pieces together.  Most days I literally feel like I am drowning and there is no way to come up for air.  I am hoping that soon, soon things will be up and running smoothly.

But for now, now I am promising myself to take some time to spend more time with my family and more time for myself.  I have missed writing and I really want to sit down and blog some more. I also have some family projects in mind that I am bound and determinded to do, thanks Pinterest!!!!

Now off to cut more leaves for our Tree of Thanks before school pick up and babies wake up!

Say WHAT?!!?

So again it's been awhile and forever since I've blogged. It's been summer time so the amount of down time I have had is none existent. Now that's summers over it should slow down. Well in theory yes, but my first free weekend since May is in November and it's my only free weekend through to the new year. I do have plans now to be a better blogger so ummm i say that but we will see...

So what's up on P street? My Friend Running has been sticking around an not letting me down. In fact I'm up to going 10 miles at a time. What has this lasting friendship done? Oh just made me reach a ONE HUNDRED AND ONE pound weight loss mark. I mean it's hard to believe but I used to weigh 101 pounds more than I do now. I have been flabbergasted with the results. I mean I'm almost 30 with TWO kids and I am smaller now then I have ever been in my life. It's pretty cool actually :0).

My friend E is also down at least 100 pounds and together as FFU (Former Fatties Unite) we are pushing our fabulous looking new selves to new things. We both ran mud runs of sorts this passed weekend and have been putting some miles down on the pavement. One thing E has done though is an awesome, amazing, freakin fantastic photo shoot with her new self. The photos came out awesome and I'm pretty sure her hubby thinks so too. When she first dd her shoot I was impressed and inspired but being the shy quiet type would never considered doing one myself. Now? It may be because I'm turning 30 or that after two kids my body is more comfortable to be or heck it's probably the confidence of losing over a hundred pounds I'm considering it. When will I ever have another chance? My twenties are running out, so should I embrace it and celebrate my accomplishments? Hmmm I just may. Although no one but me and photog would ever know that I risked being so daring. I kind of like this new, running, more confident me. I will take on my dreams and accomplish them!

A challenge

I admit by no means am I a perfect mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, runner and the list goes on.  I never try to be perfect, in fact I usually just try to be me.  The real me, not a me that I think people want to see and often times I fail at that.  I say things or dont say things based on what I judge others want me too.  Except with a certain few.  With a few I am totally me.  I say what I want, when I want and how I want.  And lately, lately I have surrounded myself ONLY with the people I feel comfortable being the true me around.  And actually, it has made me a less stressed, happier person in general. 

With all that being said, I often wonder why we can never show our "faults" to the world.  Go on Facebook, look at the status updates, 99% of them will be along the lines of; My whole house is cleaned, laundry done, organic groceries bought, kids ate only fruits and veggies because that's what was requested, I ran/worked out/yoga posed myself better than anyone else... And then the comments the comments of well how fast did you run? how far? I did it better by 10 seconds, my kids are bathed in bed and ate even healthier... and blah blah blah.  You see, I do this, I admit it.  When I run I post it, I am proud of myself, when my kids do something awesome I post it, I am proud of them too.  But here's the thing, here is what I try so hard not to do and I wish more people would do the same.  I *TRY* (it doesnt always work) try to not one up others in the comments I make, I also try to let others see when I "fail".

So my challenge to you, do I have any readers anymore?  Its been so long since I blogged I probably lost my audience or my lone reader, is post some things this week, or tell some people this week things that would look like "failures", that are not the glorified triumphant one uppers.  Let others know that, yes sometimes I have my shit together but sometimes I don't.

I will start here:

My baby does not sleep through the night, he is 8 months and does not sleep through the night.
I let me kids watch t.v. everyday.
There are meals when I do not even offer a veggie because really, its not worth the fight.
Baths do not happen every night, even when there are dirty feet and hands and faces we clean them up with a face cloth and off to bed they go.
I let my baby cry in the middle of the night if its before midnight and between midnight and 5 am.
I am a SLOW runner, I often set out for a certain distance and let myself quit.
I ate dinner, cookies (like 4 oreos and 2 homemade cookies), a bowl of ice cream AND a bag of popcorn tonight.
I do not visit my grandparents like I should.
I procrastinate with the best of them.
I curse.
.....ok I think thats all I should post tonight, but you all get my meaning.  Life is not perfect, you are not perfect, get off your high horse and own up to it and stop trying to make others feel bad with your one uppity-ness....

Oh but I *DID* manage to get all my laundry washed, dried and put away.  My hamper is EMPTY right now....woot woot!



 

Special memories

Wow it's been forever and then some since I have logged in and blogged. Time has been a factor, with trying to
balance two kids, the house, errands and now my new job, but honestly inspiration has been a factor too. I just haven't had any write down and share worthy thoughts. I most definitely have had some share worthy memories lately but I've been too busy cherishing them to sit down and share.

Driving down the road today however, Ella had some pretty adorable Ella-isms that were just so adorable I wanted to roll down my window and share with the construction men in the corner. My first thought was I'll post to Facebook but I already have been ribbed about all the picture overloads I'm capable of so I refrained from that then I got to thinking I should have a notebook where I write these down with. It's way too hard to look back through status updates and so I have a feeling all the Ella-isms I've posted will e lost anyway. Then it dawned on me, blog them, DUH! They need to be recorded because they could be used against her, errrr I mean they would make cute readings some day.

So now that I've rambled and sort of built up these adorable Ella-isms let me share them with you. Now the cuteness level is probably based on pure biased opinion but humor me anyway and let out a smile and a great big awwww :0)

(in the car driving home a song called can you canoe comes on kids xm radio) "oh mom it's the canoe song! (a few verses of the song go by) oh mom I just love this song. It makes me think of daddy and makes me want to go fishing with him. It makes me remember the first time he took me fishing and I just love him so I love this song too cause I like thinking about daddy"

(again listening to the radio a couple I songs later a song from The Little Mermaid soundtrack comes on) "you know I wonder if she realizes if she gets feet she would have to get a new daddy. Hers is a mermaid and I think she would be sad and miss him".

Oh and one from yesterday as well even though I did post it on Facebook

"I need some space. I'm feeling like a grouchy sister. Don't worry I'll be back and we can use my imagination, today I want to be a doctor, ok?"

A dozen....

Eggs? Roses? Donuts? Cookies? Nope a dozen YEARS! That's right a dozen years have passed since I was just a girl sitting in study hall and D was just a boy sitting there trying not to be grouchy from cutting weight. Things have most definitely changed and evolved over the years. D no longer cuts weight for wrestling. Now he's my crazy running husband who thinks running a marathon isn't far enough and has his next 50k in the planning stages. I am no longer just a girl, now I am also a wife and a mommy. Our love isn't just the flirtatious infatuation that only high school kids get but a true full of ups, downs and laughs and tears that has bonded us together closer than I ever could have thought waas possible. Over the last 12 years we have graduated high school, graduated college, plotted careers, turned a house into a home and brought the two most precious souls earth side. I love that man with all my heart! For every lost key situation, or messy counter in the morning, dirty clothes not in the hamper and countless other little things that drive me just a little insane there are good sweet times that occur 100 times more often. My husband is a man that will rescue me from the brink of losing it from no sleep by coming home sweeping up both kids, packing them in the stroller and initiating a family run. Coming back taking them both to cook dinner and then doing bath and bed. Leaving me to regroup, get my run in, get some work done and enjoy the cocktail he picked the ingredients up for on his way home to rescue me. He's the type to sing our son back to sleep at 1am so cousy have a break and the chance to sleep. He knows how to step in right before Princess Pie and I go head to head over clothing choices. He just gets me. I know that even when we have rough times that it will all come right again and all that will be left of the rough time is a closer bond and tighter love. Twelve years is a such a short time in the whole scheme of things but it sure has built an endless love between just a girl and a weight cutting boy.