Decisions....

Decisions, we make them every day. What to wear, whether we have enough time to snooze the clock just one more time, if we want to chance running the red light. Most of these decisions are made without even realizing you are making them. They require little thought or effort and very rarly do you have to explain why you chose to wear a skirt today or red heels. Once you become a parent the amount of decisions you make intensifies. Now you have to decided whether or not to have an epi or a natural birth, to breast feed or formula feed, to find out the gender or not, to let them cry it out or co-sleep, to cloth diaper or not and the list goes on and on. These decisions usually end up being scurtinized and often times you end up defending your choice over and over and over again to people who just like to inform you that in their opinion you made the wrong choice.

Family size and dynamics is something else that you decide upon. Typically it's a topic you cover with your significant other before the vows are even exchanged. If not before than right after. When will we start our family? How many kids should we have? What is the amount of space you want between each kid? and so on and so forth. Some are lucky enough to decide well we're ready so let's have a baby and BAM instant BFP (bif fat positive pregnancy test), or let's have a June baby and BAM preggo again, or let's have an 18 month age gap and BAM preggo again... Others it might take a few months and for some of us it takes FOREVER! And then before you know it the two year age gap is gone and now you are looking at having at least a 3 year gap. Some are still trying to have #1 and now are looking into *deciding* whether or not they want to become parents through other methods. Some have to decide whether they want to have medical intervention and if so how far to carry it through. Now, these decisions need to be made between husband and wife but again others like to weigh in and tell you that you are making the wrong decision. It shouldn't be something that you have to defend. The comments of well your twins were because of meds, your son looks nothing like you, how can you let someone else carry your baby. Really the list of inappropriate and completely rude comments goes on and on, which I am sure that those TTC grads out there who had to choose some of these methods will tell you.

D and I are now deciding some of these decisions and I have not yet decided whether or not I even want to put it ALL out there. But I will say that these are OUR decisions and we will be praying for guidance to make the right ones. Will it be ok to have meds? Should I even pursue that avenue? What will happen if we did have twins (HIGHLY unlikely since my SIL was blessed with a set all ready (and yes hers were natural, which is something I have learned through reading different articles is very rare when it doesn't run in the family and usually gets the most enthusiastic response. And *I* believe that the likeliness of 2 sets in one family is just near impossible.) I also have lots of other fears and they stem from postpartum anxiety and what not. But as of right now I think that the route of just testing will be enough. As I endure more rounds of blood work, ultra sounds, doctor appointments and shots (hopefully not many more of those!), I will be struggling with what to do next and just asking God to guide me and let me know where to go. I am going at this blindly with my husband firmly holding my hand and giving it all up to God and His path for us. Will Ella ever be a big sister? Will we add to our family? Will one child be what is in store for us? Only God knows....