follow up

So how do I even begin to blog again after that last post?

I have to say I got support in every direction. Some from the people I knew would be there for me and some unexpected surprises. I also know that some of you could have cared less and in fact just dismissed me and how I was feeling. That is fine cause this blog is for *me*. I can not tell you how much better I felt just "saying" it out loud. I can not tell you how much it means to me for the support that I have received and the kind words.

When you are stuck in a TTC rut, finding the good in things is really hard, but lately after posting the coming out blog, I have been able to see the good. I am able to see who my true friends are, and also that I am not alone. Some have shared stories with me and I have also been surfing the TTC blogs out there. As I got a shot in my bum the other day (TMI for most of you) I became so much more aware of the feelings of a fellow blogger who has a TTC #'s on her blog. How many times she has been poked and prodded and DTD and it all adds up to be stress baring down. I am lucky enough that I have never gone through the whole gamet and as this process continues D and I have some tough decisions to make. But through it all Ihave my blog and I have my friends and family and I also have running. The goal this year? To finish eight 5ks by November. Can I do it? Well with a little help from J and K (my running buddies) and enough stress to run from then I say BRING IT! The game is on. TTC is going to take a back seat to my goal and I get to enjoy time with my little princess. The doctors appointments will continue and D and I have alot to decide but hey life IS good and I am starting to feel light again, free again and happy again! I can actually breathe and not have to run from a bad day or plaster a fake smile. I am beginning to just be. I am learning to take time for *me*. Time to not think, not have to be in control and just have fun! In fact tonight L was gone to dinner with Nana and Grampy and D and I celebrated by drinking a bottle of champagne and watching a silly comedy picnic style with take out!

So for awhile at least this blog may be full of jumbled posts, some happy, some sad but I think my blog just found its purpose. As an outlet for me to unload all the feelings bottled up and I am not censoring myself anymore...

2 comments:

Firehouse mama said...

You should never feel like you have to censor yourself. Ever. If someone doesn't like they can eff off. Much love to you and your little miss!!

Shelly said...

Great post, I'm glad you're feeling better. I'm confident you will have no problem finishing your 5K's! You go girl!

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