I am WHAT?!?!

OK I am going back to work...There I uttered the words so therefore they must be true. I am in my last week home as a beloved stay at home mom. Why? I have asked myself this a billion times since I said yes to the position a week ago. My dream since college was that my soul career would be mommy to my little peanut since the minute she was born. Derrick and I had talked about it and we both agreed. I was the best one to take care of L. We did not want daycare and I would be in pure bliss watching every little accomplishment and seeing her face light up as she figured things out. Well now my little peanut is approaching 17 months and 22 pounds so she is not so little anymore. She has been walking since 8 months, running since 12, climbing and drawing. Her vocabulary is so large I lost count and its somewhere around 100 words. She uses sentences to communicate with me now. My new favorite one is when she works so hard on a drawing and I tell her it is beautiful (of course anything those precious little hands touches is beautiful) she says "thank you mum" "I draw Dad Dad" Yep all her masterpieces go to her beloved Dad Dad.

Oh sorry I got distracted bragging there for a second, sometimes I just need to because I am so full of love for that little sassafrass that I feel like I might explode. Anyway why? Well I need to rediscover me. I need to feel like I am making a difference and being appreciated. After all the job I am going to is my old job. The one I had before Ella was here. The one where I can walk down the hall and there are screams of "it's Mrs. Brown" "Hi Mrs Brown" It is seriously like having rockstar status. I will be getting up and dressed with make-up on and having lunch for a full 20 minutes instead of bites here and there. I know that the minute I walk in the door I will probably wish I were at home in my sweats sitting on the floor reading with Ella but I need to do this for myself. In order to appreicate the things I have. I know that I am so lucky that my husband takes care of us and I can choose to work or not. I know that I have a special little girl that anyone would want to spend the day with. (who is the lucky one who gets that ball of fire: Grandmama of course) But starting next Monday for the next 8 weeks I will be *gasp* a "working mom"

When it is all said and done I am almost postive it will just reinforce the fact that I have my dream job right now but the grass is always greener right?