wishy washy...

OK time for some hardcore truth that I am not all too proud of. It is getting closer and closer to arrival time for the baby. Well not THAT close, but close enough to realize that I am over half way there and it IS going to happen in the near future.

Now we chose not to know the sex of this baby. By we I mean I. I just really wanted something different this time around. So far other than the sickness being a little more extreme and the movement a little more felt everything is exactly the same. I am carrying the same, I feel the same, and if it wasn't for longer hair I would look the same.

There is an envelope in my house that will tell me the sex. Everyone around me wants to know. I am the only one preventing anyone from knowing but I just want this to be a surprise I really do.

As I lay awake the last few nights, since sleep is something that has left my life, I just can't help but think I may be making a mistake. Well not a mistake, but am I making the best choice? It is not like I have a preference as to what this baby is, boy or girl, it doesn't matter it will be loved endlessly. But I am afraid to admit I am going to need time to get used to the idea of it being one and not the other. Should I prepare myself now? Will it be ok to find out when I hold the baby? Preparing myself wont take away from that moment will it? Will I feel disappointment if it is one and not the other? I am so so so trying to wrap my head around all of this. And then there is Ella to think of. Is it better to know so we can say she is having a brother or a sister so she can get familiar with it?

Oh boy what your brain comes up with in the wee hours of the night as the rain comes pouring down and Irene makes her way closer and closer... Although now its just a tropical storm for us! YAY and also BOOOOO, I was hoping for some safe storm watching action!!!

LIVE LAUGH THINK!